Sunday, May 8, 2011
My "Alter Ego"...
WARNING: This will be, by far, the longest blog entry I've ever posted...so if the topic of my "alter ego" doesn't interest you, by all means don't continue! You've been forewarned. :-)
As an online adult persona, I get some rather interesting email. Some overly zealous fans seem to think that I have no other life than "sex, sex, sex" and/or that this my adult work is my full-time "career". That's harmless wishful thinking on their part, but harmless wishful thinking is still wishful thinking. On the opposite end of the spectrum are the "haters"...a hyper-vocal super-minority of misogynist freaks who spend huge amounts of their personal time online stalking and harassing adult performers. Some of these clowns have put forth the most utterly ludicrous charge I've ever heard…that I am leading a "double life".
Yes, you read that right. Apparently, because I actually have other interests besides sex and because I don't tell everyone I meet about my sexuality (because, hey, everybody tells everyone they know all about their personal sex life, right?), I'm leading a "double life"...but these dweebs, whose idea of a productive time is to send multiple profanity-filled "threatening" emails, one after another, usually in the wee hours of the morning (an especially popular time stamp for their emails is between 1:00 AM to 4:00 AM, when their mommies, fellow 40-year-old virgin roommates or numb and embittered wives are sound asleep) implying that they are NOT leading a double life because, as one might imagine, they openly tell their wives and mothers and kids and coworkers and friends and neighbors that they regularly spend 2-3 hours a night or more harassing "web girls".
Don't even try to "think" about that. Just follow your natural instinct to laugh out loud, as Steve and I do.
The simple fact is that the lifestyle Steve and I lead together and share online is just one of many aspects that make me "me", and that I spend little time on it in comparison to the time I spend on other aspects of my life...just as even my most ardent fans do not spend the entirety of their lives, 24/7, cruising adult web sites or watching adult videos at home because they have jobs or professions, family and friends, hobbies and other interests. Even the misogynist freaks who like to send harassing e-mails to adult web site owners simply MUST have some other thing that occupies their time, whether by choice or by force. This can really come as no surprise to anyone taking even a brief a moment to really think about the subject...it simply reeks of common sense.
Besides our primary business, which Steve and I co-own/co-operate and which has nothing to do with the adult entertainment industry in any way (and the nature of which we only share with fans we've actually met in person and like), one of the many things that occupies a good deal of my time is professional modeling. This is something I've dabbled with on and off since high school but which I never took seriously until finding the time to do so properly in late 2007. Ever since then it's been an ongoing thing and takes up quite a bit of my time.
So, then…does modeling "define" me? No. Is it a "career" or a "job"? No, it's not…it's merely a serious hobby which I thoroughly enjoy. Actually, that's not saying quite enough…I love it! The fact that I get paid for a good deal of it means only that I am lucky. After all, to make money doing something that one truly enjoys and which never seems like "work" is a rare thing for most folks.
Another thing that occupies a huge part of my time - and which most closely defines me as a person - is health & fitness…and this interest, like modeling, goes all the way back to high school. Since I tend to get a lot of questions about this subject from fans via email, I'm going to take time and give the "big picture" details of that interest today.
In the late 90's, several years after having our last child and getting settled into family life, Steve and I started going back to the gym after some years away to get back into shape. Although we'd both been very active in our youth and Steve, in particular, was always in well-above-average shape, like most parents we let ourselves go a bit as we focused on family and work. Then one day we realized we missed being in what we considered to be top shape...so we started doing the "Body-For-Life" program and made rapid, dramatic changes.
A few years after that, Steve decided to run a full marathon (26.2 miles) to celebrate his 40th birthday. I never thought of myself as a runner and thought he was a nut case running that far, that fast! But guess what? He loved it and got hooked on the sport...and seeing him get so into it got me interested in trying one myself. So the very next year I ended up training together with him and ran my own first marathon, with Steve running side-by-side with me, at my pace, every step of the way. The memory of the feeling I had when crossing that finish line with my true love and soul mate holding my hand is something that still brings me to tears of happiness. It was such a huge accomplishment and milestone in my life. Since that time I have run road races of various lengths - 5K, 10K, half-marathons and even another full marathon.
Soon after my first marathon, I once again followed Steve's lead as he added road cycling to his hobbies and training. Then came triathlons, which I found that I loved more than running, cycling or swimming alone. I came to love the feeling of accomplishment that endurance sports bring as well as the feeling of empowerment to push my limits. I felt amazing and was in the best shape of my life in my mid and late 30's after having children, when many of my peers were already on a severe downward slope, having basically "quit" any attempt to take care of themselves.
But things didn't stop there. One day in the mid-2000's, my best friend invited me to hit the gym with her for a weight training session, which was something she was deeply into. I hadn't lifted weights since I was in high school, when I worked part-time at a gym, and I didn't realize that I had missed it. Trying it again so many years later while already in great shape from my other sports while sharing the experience with a close friend was awesome! I kept working out with her, quickly got hooked, and my body started changing rapidly. Soon my friend suggested that I try a local bikini contest with her...and that's when I first got the "show bug". I did several bikini contests in a row and it was a real rush to go out there as a mom in my late 30's and compete against girls who were often as young as 18 and still win or place in the top three, consistently, time after time.
Then, huge life changes and new life challenges hit and I started slowly drifting away away from my lifestyle of total fitness. While I was still very healthy for a woman my age, I wasn't happy with the way I started looking. To complicate matters further, when I started doing pro adult video work, I fell into a strange sort of trap in which the producers and directors kept telling me I was "too fit" for pro video and that I needed to look "softer"…so I quit working out altogether, stopped eating as clean as I used to eat and started enjoying my only real vice, red wine, a bit more. I soon started gaining weight...and the bigger my butt got, the more compliments I got from the directors and producers. They loved it, and some of my fans loved it…but I HATED it!
It basically came down to this...did I want to continue to make all that extra money from pro video work (at one point in 2009 I was shooting 4-5 scenes a week, consistently, for months on end) and be unhappy with how I looked, or did I want to walk away from all the trappings of so-called "stardom" and all the extra money and make myself happy in my own way?
As usual, Steve was my biggest supporter and encouraged me to back off on the pro work, stop listening to other people who didn't even know me and start focusing on what makes ME feel happy, healthy and sexy. Which, of course, meant cleaning up my diet again, going back to the gym and focusing on our own web site content, which reflects who I am and who we are as a couple MUCH more than any of my pro work did or even could.
In virtually no time I had dropped all the weight and started feeling the "stage bug" again. But rather than do another local bikini contest, I wanted to try pushing things to the next level with a full-fledged regional figure competition. So I found myself a good coach, trained and dieted my butt off (with Steve's full support and the gracious understanding of our kids, because training for figure competitions is practically a job in itself) and, what do you know, I placed high in my very first contest! (2nd Place in Women's Masters Over 40, and 3rd Place in Women's Open, Short Class). It was a great experience, all the way from the months of training to taking the stage, and I loved it. After all, let's face it, I'm obviously a natural, true-born exhibitionist! I love putting on my Swarovski crystal suit & heels and going out on stage before a crowd. I also am motivated by having specific goals, so knowing that I have a show date keeps me focused and on track. I'm always pushing to be my own personal best - marathons, triathlons or figure competitions, whatever - I want to be better than my last race or show.
But despite all that, even this new hobby/sport does not define who I am in full. I'm simply not that one-dimensional in any way. I never have been and never will be.
So, why the alter ego name of Paige McFarland? There are several reasons, and all are based firmly in common sense.
Although I do have a liberal view of sexuality and a very strong appetite for sex and I have put that part of my life online to share with other like-minded people, at the same time I am keenly aware that my personal fantasies and kinks aren't everyone's cup of tea (whose are?) and out of common decency and respect for others I never foist my lifestyle or beliefs anyone else, nor do I expect "everyone" to approve of what I do. That means, of course, not bringing the subject up unless it is broached by the other party in an appropriate time, place and manner. Assuming that those criteria are met, when people ask if I am the lady named Janet Mason who they have seen online or in a DVD, I tell them yes. But I don't flaunt it because I would not want to offend someone who's not into porn. After all, I like people of from all walks of life and respect their differences. Toward that end, I use the name Paige McFarland for modeling and figure shows. Many other ladies use stage names - whether they are models or figure competitors, bodybuilders, etc. - often for different reasons, but primarily because they so choose and it's their prerogative to do so.
One of the almost unbelievably stupid rumors to spread around the Internet, started by those minority of misogynist freaks mentioned earlier, is that I use the new stage name to "hide" the fact that I'm Janet Mason out of "fear of being found out". As is usual with conspiracy theories of any stripe, this is so pathetically off-base that it's truly funny…but I guess that's what one has to expect from guys like this, who for some reason think act as if they have the world by the short hairs when, in point of fact, they are so loosely tethered to reality that it's comical. Add to that the fact that these people actually threaten to "expose" me and "ruin" me and you've got one helluva source of entertainment. (It's ironic that their own sadly mistaken beliefs about "reality" are the very cause of the blind, obsessive and totally impotent rage that they carry in their hearts but, hey, they choose to do this to themselves.)
First I'll address the issue with photographers from the modeling world "finding out" about my adult work and "not wanting to work with me", since this claim one is the most self-evidently stupid of all. Think about it…I do mostly glamour nude and fine art nude modeling. Now is there really someone out there who honestly believes that a photographer who spends his time shooting nude women in an intentionally sensual-to-overtly-sexual manner as his chosen profession is going to be shocked and appalled by the fact that I am a "swinger" and/or that I have done and continue to do adult video and photo, both as an amateur as a professional? Come on…REALLY?
Here's a real shocker…such a photographer does not exist. For one thing, they are men, for God's sake. For another, they are men who specifically not only love female nudity and sexuality, but men who deliberately choose to make their living from it. They are therefore, by definition, not prudes. To say that any photographer who knows that I am Janet Mason (which is 99% of them) "doesn't care at all" would be a lie. Unfortunately for those who want that to work out badly for me, it goes the opposite way...because they DO care, albeit in a good way...either they are already fans or they become fans after finding out.
I know, I know...imagine that! Men who love blatantly sexual women who enjoy posing nude for photography actually enjoy porn, too? Who'd have guessed right?
Next is the world of figure competitions and being "exposed" in that realm - not that quite a few of my fellow competitors as well as many judges and most photographers don't already know, because they do. But I digress.
The fact is that there are all kinds of people in the figure/fitness/bodybuilding world, just as there are in any other sport. White, black, Hispanic, Asian, you name it. Republicans and Democrats of hard-line and moderate and liberal persuasions. Jews, Catholics, Baptists, Muslims, agnostics and atheists. Prudes and sex fiends. Wealthy and not-so-wealthy. (I'll readily admit this is a very expensive sport, so being poor would make it nearly impossible to compete on a serious level.)
If that sounds a lot like the real world, it's because it IS like the real world...that's where the people come from, whether they are competitors, judges, photographers, bloggers, coaches or whatever. They're just people of every stripe imaginable...not exactly hard to swallow. But it must be said that folks with a more liberal streak tend to be the majority of people in the sport as opposed to more conservative types. Is this a surprise? Not if you think about it. After all, this is a sport dedicated to one thing and one thing only: to develop one's body to its fullest potential and then to display that body, skimpily-clad, on a public stage. The competitors are therefore exhibitionists by nature, and the fans are voyeuristic by nature. Not exactly something that appeals to your average prude, is it? Not on Planet Earth, anyway.
That's not to say that there aren't any arch-conservatives in the sport...only that they are a very small minority. For any competitor or judge would who find my lifestyle or webs site "offensive", I'm guessing 2 or 3 would find it appealing, 3 or 4 would care less and darn near all of them already know or will soon find out about the legions of other bodybuilding-related competitors who lead similar alternative lifestyles. And so it goes.
On that topic, it just so happens that Steve and I personally know of several national-level pros and amateurs in the figure, fitness, bikini, physique and bodybuilding world who are swingers and are members of the same "lifestyle" sites that we've been members of for years on end now. Do they walk around telling everyone they meet about this fact, whether in their personal lives or those they meet in the sport? Of course not; they are discreet about it for the same reasons we are or anyone with even a modicum of common sense would be. Steve and I know only because we either personally know these folks and have had discussions with them about the subject, or because we recognize them from their photos on their profiles online, just as many competitors, judges and photographers know that I am Janet Mason for the same reasons via my web site or my pro video work.
We also know a few high-ranking females in the sport - some of whom, like me, are married with children - who are professional dominatrixes or exotic dancers. Do they walk around telling everyone telling every fellow competitor, judge or fan they meet about this fact? Again, of course not. Like me, they are discreet about it because being so is both respectful of others and just plain common sense. As with the swingers in the sport I mentioned above, we know of their "other interests" because of discreet conversations among mutually consenting adults.
There are also quite a few pro and amateur porn performers, male and female, who compete in the exact same kind of shows I do. Most of the use a different name for their competitions, and most of their fans are aware of both personas. This, too, is not exactly earth-shaking news.
Yet there are a few other competitors who go the opposite way and DO flaunt their association with the adult entertainment and/or "swinging lifestyle" world. At least one female bodybuilder, Yvette Bova, who several years ago was a very famous champion in that sport, is not only a porn performer but also a director with her own production company. Her specialty? Bodybuilding-related porn. How do I know this? Because I shot a pro scene for her company last year, with the male performer T.J. Cummings. (Who, by the way, is ALSO a competitor in the male bodybuilding division, using another name for his shows.)
One might also check out fitness-specific porn sites such as SheMuscle.com and FemaleMusclePornStars.com to find and endless plethora of amateur and pro athletes in the bodybuilding-related world doing, uh...well...porn. Clearly, even the most deluded of their "haters" must eventually realize that this has caused these people no "harm" to their athletic interests, whether pro or amateur.
See a trend here?
So, what effect have the misogynist fools who keep threatening to "expose" me had?
None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. The facts are that both my and Steve's families already know about our adult work; that since we are self-employed we cannot be fired; that most folks in the sport don't care about my lifestyle and that those that do care don't matter because they are outnumbered by those who either like what I do or could care less; that there is no rule or regulation against ANY form of sexuality in the sport; and that it's a not a religious-based organization in any way, shape or form. All the would-be "harm" and "damage" they wish to create has only manifested itself in the world of actual reality as even more photo shoot opportunities with more pro photographers than usual, even more fans and even more site members. Not exactly in line with their stated goals…but then again I'm sure that's a recurring theme in their small, pathetic, spiteful lives. Once again they have mistaken their virulent, misguided hatred of someone or some thing and confused it with the feelings and beliefs of others; once again that has failed them and, in this case, actually backfired. Although spending inordinate amounts of their time at porn sites looking for virtues which they don't even believe in themselves is not exactly a logical or constructive use of their time, I will defend to the death their, uh, "right" to waste their own time if that's what happens to blow their skirts up....especially when I benefit from it! Just sayin'. ;-)
Here's a perfect example. One exceptionally delusional he-man woman-hater decided he and his cronies on the forums were going to (and I quote) "destroy" my chances at winning the Vitrix Model Search Contest, which I am currently competing in under my Paige McFarland alter ego. His "thinking", as it were, is that he'd surely "ruin all chances" of me doing well because I am, in his words, a "goddamn motherfucking crack-smoking skank-ass porn star bitch". (Try hard not to laugh as much as I did when I first read that.)
Just one problem with this clown's "master plan" and that is...Vitrix is a male sexual performance enhancement product. Specifically, it works as a natural, herbal testosterone booster for increased libido and more stamina in bed. As such, not only the product itself but quite literally all advertising for and marketing of it, therefore, is overtly sexual in nature. Ergo the company is not looking for vestal virgins wearing sack cloth to promote it while flagellating themselves for having impure thoughts; they're looking for liberated, openly sexual women. And who's more openly sexual than an adult performer? Even one who is, ahem, a "goddamn motherfucking crack-smoking skank-ass porn star bitch" like me. :-)
The result of all the single-minded hard work and dedication these dweebs have put into that particular "project"? Immediately helping me to jump almost instantaneously from somewhere around 13th place all the way up to 3rd place within 48 hours, and my current standing (as of today) of 2nd place. Thanks to this guy's plan to "ruin" me, not only do I have the votes of guys and gals who were already fans of my adult work, but I now have a LOT more new fans from the modeling world and fitness who did not (yet) know that I am also known as Janet Mason.
But wait, there's more! :-) I have also been contacted by a higher-than-normal amount of fitness photographers offering paid modeling gigs since these wrongheaded geniuses put their "master plan of destruction" into action. So thanks, my friends…I appreciate all the hard PR work you have (inadvertently) done on my behalf, and I would appreciate it if you not stop now...by all means, keep the momentum you started going, full force! ;-)
I guess the only thing I haven't covered is where I got the name Paige McFarland from. According to some "experts" on various forums, Paige McFarland is my real name and Janet Mason is my stage name. Still other "experts" know for a "fact" that the exact opposite is true. The truth is that Paige McFarland is a name Steve and I made up out of thin air in less than 5 minutes of brainstorming once I decided to use a legal/registered stage name for modeling and fitness competitions. (People can even write checks out to me as Paige McFarland.) A tame and less conspiratorial story than those of the "experts", perhaps...but nevertheless, a true one.
OK, I think that pretty much covers everything. Whew! Thanks, as always, for the continued support of you, my fans (as well as the unintentional support of my haters), and I'll see you online!
P.S. Oh yes, don't forget to vote for me at the Vitrix Model Search Contest! You'll find 65 photos of me there so far, with another one added daily, and you can vote once ever 24 hours. The winner gets a $2500 prize, an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas to shoot with a famous photographer, and the opportunity to represent Vitrix to the public as a spokesmodel. That sounds like fun to me...and I'm currently in second place, so every vote counts!
(Addendum: I won the May contest! As such I won $2500 in cash, an all-expenses-paid trip to Las Vegas to shoot with a renowned fitness photographer (who is well aware that I am Janet Mason)and the chance to compete in the 2011 Overall Contest in January/February of 2012!)