Hi guys and gals,
As many of you know, hubby Steve and I started off online way back in 1998 with my own amateur site, which is still operating today, over 20 years later. We launched it "officially" on April 8th of that year, which was my 31st birthday. The site was a huge success and right off the bat I started getting requests to do pro porn, both from fans as well as from some producers and male talent in Los Angeles. I was very flattered - and we were both very surprised - but we didn't live in California and we had our family to raise first, so we passed on the opportunity.
It wasn't until late 2007 that, at the age of 40 and after almost 10 years online as a purely amateur "Mom & Pop" site, I finally I did my very first pro scene for Girlfriends Films, almost on whim, while Steve and I were on a brief vacation in L.A.. That scene was so much fun that I decided to try doing it part-time since our life situation allowed us to do so by that point. We soon found that my surprising popularity rapidly led me to pursue it full-time, and I was eventually nominated for an AVN award (MILF/Cougar Performer of the Year, 2010). I didn't win the award, but it was an honor just to be nominated...and that "fame" of sorts led me to stick with it.
The problem is that I'm bored with pro work now. It's MUCH different than the totally amateur stuff Steve and I shoot and here are a handful of ways in which that's true...
- It takes a LOT longer to shoot a pro scene than it does for an amateur scene for my site. Sometimes all day long! I think my fastest pro scene ever took about 4 hours and I know for sure that my longest ones have taken up to 12-13 hours. This despite the fact that the pro scene will, when released, only be about 20-30 minutes long at most! And much of the time on a pro set consists of sitting around doing nothing, being totally unproductive. This stands in sharp contrast to the shoots Steve and I do for my site, which have literally ALL been over and done with in 60-90 minutes at the very most, yet never rushed at all and with absolutely zero wasted time despite not having a "production crew"...it's just me and Steve running the entire show.
- In pro scenes, I have to follow a "script" - a storyline with memorized dialogue - whereas for my site, Steve and I only film real sex, not silly (or insulting) "storylines".
- In pro scenes, as a hired performer I usually have no say at all in what guys or girls I'm shooting with and in most cases we literally meet for the first and last time on set that day...which means that in 90% of the cases I am NOT attracted to them AT ALL and it becomes truly "work" rather than the actual FUN that sex is meant to be. In the amateur scenes for my site, Steve and I hand-pick the guys or gals that I shoot with - keeping it very "real" and authentic since they are ALWAYS my type. This is why you see me in some pro scenes with guys or gals that you'd never, ever see me with on my site (gangstas, goths, white trash, goofy nerds, out-of-shape guys, guys with tiny cocks, guys who are all tatted up and/or pierced, etc.)...not in a million years.
- In the pro world, I (and all other performers) often have to fake orgasms because either I'm not into the guy or girl at all, because the script say it's "time" to come, or because we're out of shooting time and we have to wrap the scene. In my amateur site scenes, I have NEVER faked a single orgasm, even when I'm having 3, 4 or even 5 of them in a single scene.
- In the pro world, many scenes play on racial or gender stereotypes, which is something I am NOT comfortable with. However, the problem is that we as performers don't know the "story" until we're on set and by that time its too late to back out as we're committed - we have to be "professional", suck it up and get on with it. Sadly, too many fans can't tell what's real and what's not so they end up thinking that I (and other performers) are into things that I/we are decidedly NOT into in our private lives. But with the amateur scenes for my site, Steve and I shoot only what truly turns me (and him) on in real life. THAT's the "real me". Only in very rare cases does a pro shoot reflect "me" and my actual sexuality (which is also the case with all other pro performers).
- In the pro world, husbands or wives are not allowed on set for 99.9% of the time, whereas when we shoot for my site, Steve is not only right there but actually doing all the filming, whether it's him and me in alone in a POV scene or whether it's me with other guys and gals. This separation issue in the pro world is a major source of frustration for us, as we started off doing this as a lifestyle kink - something we enjoy together, as a couple. And we miss that sharing & connecting aspect dearly with pro work.
There are a lot more differences but that's probably a subject best left to another blog post in the future. But you get the idea. You see, I just miss the raw intensity of the always-genuine sex and being in total control of my work environment that our self-produced amateur "Mom & Pop" scenes offer. The problem is that its hard to do both - I have no energy for shooting for our site due to the drain of pro work.
So...my pro shooting days are over and I am officially retired from all pro work (though of course any scenes I may have already shot may not be released until much later) and I will once again join Steve in shooting ONLY for my own site again, just like the old days!
So that's the news! Those of you who prefer my pro work over my amateur scenes have plenty of scenes to watch - and those of you who prefer my amateur stuff (which is most of you by far) can look forward to Steve and I getting back to our roots and doing what we do best after many years of lagging behind since pro work took over our time and agenda.
See you online!