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So true...

Friday, March 19, 2010

Steve Speaks: Why We Do What We Do, The Way We Do It (Part 1)

Hello all, and welcome to my first "topical" post.

One question which Janet and I have received from many people over the years is why we do what we do...by which they usually mean why Janet plays with other men but I do not play with other women.

There are several answers to this question. This is a very broad topic, though, so be forewarned that my answers today will be very general and quick, literally coming off the top of my head, and certainly not complete in any sense of the word.

Before we begin, it needs to be said that Janet and I have a very active "normal" sex life together and always have. To us, this so-called "lifestyle" is just something extra that we do whenever the mood strikes us. Variety is the spice of life, as they say...and this just happens to be the kind of variety we enjoy in our personal sex life. This lifestyle does not define us as people but rather is just one of many common interests that we share. In a sense, a tryst with someone else in our bed is not unlike going out for a really nice meal at a fancy restaurant, enjoying a bottle of truly fine wine, and then having a desert afterward. A true hedonistic feast of the senses. Not something you'd do every day, or it would not be special anymore...but also not something you'd want to just only once a year, on the other hand, because you simply enjoy it so much.

That being said, the first answer is that it is not exclusively true that I don't "ever" play with other women. I do, but very rarely...and that is by choice. (Mine, not Janet's.) Members of Janet's site have seen proof of me with other women in video clips from several years ago in which she had her first-ever bisexual experience with the lovely mature icon Roni from Roni's Paradise . That night, after the ladies had their fun while Roni's husband, Lucky, and I watched and filmed and took photos, they started playing with Lucky and me, each wife with her own husband. Within minutes Roni and Janet started giving me a double blowjob while I filmed it...and then Janet started giving Lucky a blowjob...and soon Lucky and I were each enjoying the oral pleasures of each other's wife. So it does happen, but the fact is that it's a rare woman who turns me on the way Janet does. I've been with quite a few women in my life but no one "does it" for me like Janet, and that attraction actually grows with time. Taking into account the fact that we've been a couple for over two decades now, that's really saying something. It's common knowledge that most men lose physical interest in their partners over time, so I consider myself to be quite lucky that I find my wife more attractive over time. Janet also considers herself to be lucky knowing that, unlike most women, she does not have to worry about me "wandering" like so many husbands do.

Another reason that Janet is my almost-exclusive partner while she plays freely with others is that we have both found this arrangement simply works best for us because it is much easier for us as a couple to "click" with just one other party than it is with two parties. Any couple who has had a "swinging" experience knows what I mean here...too often either the other couple's husband is not your wife's type even though you find his wife attractive, or the other guy's wife is not your type even though your wife finds her husband to be attractive, or one of them is clearly not into one of you two. That leaves only two choices: either walk away, or someone has to "take one for the team" and have sex with someone they are really not into just so his or her partner can enjoy themselves...and neither Janet nor I have ever been the type to take one for the team. As such, we ended up walking away from so many couples that we soon found we preferred meeting with single men or women, with very few and rare exceptions.

So...what do I get out of it if Janet does 99% of the playing with others while I remain almost totally monogamous? Well, quite a bit, actually, and here are some (not all) of the reasons why I enjoy it:

1. I like to see Janet having sex with other people because I am a very visually-oriented person and somewhat voyeuristic in nature. Most guys are, which is why they (no matter what they may tell you, ladies) watch porn. What's better than watching porn? Watching real life sex, of course. And what's even better than watching strangers have sex? Watching the most beautiful woman in the world have sex, of course! And yes, I do consider Janet, my wife of over 20 years, to be the most beautiful woman in the world. Sure, I'm biased, but that doesn't change the allure of watching such a magnificent woman get off.

What's that, you say? Why don't I just "look at" Janet while I have sex with her myself in order to appease my voyeuristic side? Well, I do, of course (who has sex with their eyes closed?), but it's not the same and that should be rather obvious as there are visual aspects of sex that a participant can never see, which is one of the primary reasons people watch porn to begin with. (Not to sound cocky, but watching porn because of a lack of a partner to have actual sex with has never, ever been a reason for me.) If you're right in the middle of the playing field, so to speak, you can't see the whole game. Also, my own intense physical pleasure when having sex with Janet (who is a truly amazing, giving and talented lover) makes it difficult to appreciate every single nuance of her body and to see her own personal enjoyment right at that moment, and there is nothing - I repeat, nothing - that turns me on more than seeing my wife in the throes of pleasure.

2. Janet is very much an exhibitionist by nature and enjoys both being looked at and admired while nude or scantily clad. She also has a particular kink for being watched while having sex - not just by me but by others, too...especially strangers - hence the birth of her web site, DVDs and video clips 12 years ago. In other words, we're on the exact same page...neither of us is the "leader" or is pushing the other into something he or she is not genuinely into, hence no "problems" arise...only mutual pleasure.

3. It makes Janet feel even more beautiful and sexy than ever. Let's face it, guys, making a woman - any woman, no matter so she is - feel beautiful and sexy isn't always so easy after years of marriage. You may tell her that she's beautiful every single day and mean it...but, if you're like me, you're biased and she knows it. What absolutely, positively convinces her that she's beautiful and sexy is attractive strangers showing obvious physical attraction to her and chomping at the bit to fuck her brains out. Then she knows that not just me but other men, too, find her beautiful and sexy, which does great things for both her self esteem and her libido. Short version? She ends up feeling sexy and desirable a lot more often, which is something any man should want for his wife...and a by-product of that feeling of desirability is that she wants sex more often, which is a bonus for her husband.

4. There are some things one guy simply can not do by himself. I'm a very considerate lover and I always want my partners to have the most intense, powerful orgasms they can achieve, as many times as they can achieve them. But what if it turns out that what really gets your lady's motor running is the idea of one guy going down on her while another guy sucks her nipples? Or the fantasy of sucking on a cock while getting fucked at the same time? Or to have a group of men caressing and massaging her body from head to toe while she has sex with one of them after another? Clearly one man alone simply can not do these things. What if she truly loves sex for its own sake, is multi-orgasmic and and can easily outlast any one single male partner in bed, no matter who he is? If your wife is such a woman, as Janet is, then the only way to really rock her world is to bring in another man. (Or two or three or...)

Not every man is confident enough or comfortable doing so, but I am. This allows me to give Janet sexual experiences that she could otherwise never have. I am never jealous as I know that I am Number One in her life...a fact that is clear not only to me but to anyone who knows us (and we've met many fans over the years) that Janet clearly adores me as much as I adore her. After all, it's not like she "dates" men or has ever cheated on me (clearly, she has no reason to do so)...this is something we do as a couple at all times, and only when the mood strikes. And if my sexuality were not so oriented toward "giving" more than it is to "taking", Janet would equally enjoy sharing me with other women, which I've already addressed earlier.

In this light, jealousy is a weakness. If you are jealous of your wife having good sex, where does it end? Do you key they guy next door's Jaguar? Do you slander and wish ill will upon anyone who has something you don't, or who achieves something you haven't? Personally, it makes me happy to see my wife happy. It’s a natural reaction and one of the reasons we are still happily married after more than 20 years together, whereas quite literally 100% of the folks we know personally who oppose our lifestyle are either divorced (sometimes more than once), stuck in miserable, dead-end relationships or repeatedly find themselves alone and lonely, seemingly unable to find a partner who suits them. Worse yet, some of them cheated on their spouses or significant others prior to the dissolution of their marriage or relationship, or were victims of a cheating partner themselves. (And they are going to tell us how to live? We think not.)

Obviously I have only scratched the surface here and this post will, in turn, lead to still more questions...some of them totally valid and others simply stupid. I will attempt to address them all - both the valid and the stupid - in Part 2 of this entry, to be posted as soon as I find the time. Until then...

Steve